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Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Say it if it's worth saving me


     So yeah, been awhile since I last posted.  She's back again.  You know... Her.  Yes, it's true.  The one always outside my grasp.  She came back to me.  I wish she was real.  I mean, I guess she is real, to me, but I know she's just a dream.


     I saw her again today.  We were sitting at a table.  She was beautiful.  Her hair was long and dark.  She was sitting across from me with her head tilted looking down at my hands on the table.  Her bangs hung just enough that I could only see her lips and chin.  We had two wine glasses on the table half filled with a golden wine from a bottle just on the end of the table.  There was no sound.  She just sat there starring at my hands.  I told her that she was beautiful.  She smiled.  I told her that I don't know who she was and that I wanted to know who she was.  She stopped smiling.  She stared at my hands a few seconds longer.  I saw something clear slide down her face leaving a glistening path.  More started to appear and she moved her hands to her face and started to sniffle and cry.  I asked her what was wrong.  She told me that I didn't remember who she was.  Despite how long she said I knew her, I still didn't know who she was.  She got up and walked away from me.  I sat there and watched her walk away.   I sat there until she was gone.

     I whispered that I was sorry.  She whispered in my ear to remember her this time.  I turned to look at her, but the setting sun on the beach was too bright.  I saw her outline right next to me, but I couldn't see her.  I told her to tell me who she is and that I will remember her.  All she said was thank you and kissed my cheek.  The wind picked up and I could feel her soft hair whipping across my face and neck.  I closed my eyes so my mind could pay more attention to her kiss and hair.  I opened my eyes a minute later.

     I told the cashier that I wanted to order a club and a sweat tea.  She put the order in, gave me my tea, and accepted my payment.  I walked outside onto the patio and had a seat at the table.  I started to write something on a napkin.  A waitress came out with my club.  She was one of those cute, perky high school senior types.  She told me that I shouldn't write her that.  She said that it wasn't worth it if I had to write it and not say it.  I told the waitress it was for me to remember for the next time I see her.  I took a bite out of a half of my club.  She asked me why can't I just remember it.  I told her I wasn't sure when will be the next time I'll see the girl.  It was a whole year before I saw her again.  The waitress leaned against the wall, took a bite out of the other half of my club and looked out across the street.  She asked me if I knew what my problem was not really expecting an answer from me.  She was more than happy to tell me.  She said that I don't get out enough.  She started to eat my potato salad.  I told her I knew that and that I needed another napkin.  She gave me a napkin and told me that if I got out more, then I'd see her again.   She handed me back the bowl and spoon for my potato salad, minus the potato salad, and told me to make sure I wash them good.  She put my bill on my table and walked back inside.  I looked at the bill.  She had scribbled dork on it.  I payed the tab, again, left a tip and left.

     I walked into the bar and filled a few drink orders and spoke with a few people.  I took a food order and went down stairs to pick up the food.  I walked over to my bed and sat in the dark.  I could see the glow of my alarm clock and my cell phone charging.  She walked over to the window and told me that it was time.  I looked over to her and told her she still hadn't told me who she was and that I wouldn't remember her unless she told me.  She looked back at me.  I saw her face, her eyes, her nose, her smile.  She told me that she couldn't tell me who she was.  She looked down at her hands.  I told her that I would remember her.  She said that I wouldn't.  I told her that I would see her again.  She looked back at me, smiled, and said I'll be happy.  She told me that she wouldn't know who I was next time.  She walked over to me and gently pushed me on to my back.  She told me to have a good day.  She started to get brighter.  I closed my eyes.  The light was glowing through my eyelids.  I opened my eyes.

     The sun was shining into my window like it does every morning.  I sat up on the side of my bed.  I wasn't dreaming anymore.  I sat there looking at my hands.

I'm going to be twenty-four soon...




Posted at 05:08 am by evencito
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Sunday, January 22, 2006
Things appear to be getting better, I'm confused

***See bottom for special reader request!***

          Amazing how you seem to find something when you aren't looking for it.  Those of you who played with legos (or still do) know what that's like.  Finding the piece you've been looking for, except that you gave up on finding it hours ago and were looking for a different piece.  It all seems to be clearer when you aren't looking for it.

          I've been out of the dating circuit for over a year now and have, in the past few months, made baby steps to get back into it.  {EDIT: Seems like I'm going to be out of the dating circuit a bit longer...}  I've had no luck, but then, the one place I'm not looking at has a diamond in the ruff.  It's great, she's great.  But, yes, there is a but. There is always a but with me.  But I seem to have become someone I'm not when she's around, and she's not seeming to be happy around me all of a sudden.  So I just become what she was interested in before.  Simple as that.  But (there it is again), I can't seem to.  I'm going to end up running off a good thing, again.

          Finally got to see Serenity.  Loved it.   I've never seen the Firefly series and really wasn't too interested in it.  Now I am.

          Still playing Final Fantasy XI, but now I got someone on BD to play with on Occasions.  Started a new character on a new server and met a lot of cool online people.

          One of my friends back from high school emailed me recently letting me know she's 4 months pregnant with her husband (seriously, I didn't do it).

          Finally paid off my old cell phone bill and got me a new phone with new number.

          I've become a slightly better bartender concentrating more on taste than speed.  I'll worry about kicking out drinks in 3 seconds once I can make them taste good.

          "Somebody up there loves [me]."  That's right, I got Direct TV.

          Got a new CD/MP3 player for $25.  Walmart is selling the CD player model I got over 6 years ago for almost $60.  It's a good model, but compared to what you can get now... that's a bit much.

          My monthly intake of Altoids mints and candies have almost quadripled from previous years.  They got this Sour Mango that's pretty good.

          Fort Minor, Natasha Beddingfield, and Juniper Lane, just to name three, ROCK.  Oh and as honorable mention, Goo Goo Dolls have returned!  Been a long time fan of them since the early 90s.

          I'm going to make an attempt to try to get an events coordinator position created at my work place so that we can get this weekend bar/club hopping the way it should be instead of sitting closed and empty.  We're missing out but previous attempts have not necessarily failed nor have been great.  It's missing something.  The formula doesn't seem to work.  Time to create a new formula.

          If things don't work out with this girl, I'm going to need a drinking buddy...

          What to say?  I'm sure there's more.  Oh yeah, very important if you've gotten this far.

***Those of you who have known of me for some time, leave me a comment.  In that comment, leave descriptive words about me for what you do know about me.  Don't be afraid to use descriptive words about me that would be hurtful or well, something I wouldn't want to here.  I want to read it all!  No joking, be straight forward.  You people who have just come across this can do it too.  Bring on the Pain or bring on the cherries on top.




Wanting to find:
Serenity



Wishing he could:
Give a Little Bit
By Goo Goo Dolls


Answering the:
Call of Duty 2
By Activision


Suggesting that everyone check out:
Planetes, Book 1
By Makoto Yukimura



Posted at 04:46 am by evencito
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